I’ve learned so much about myself in Thailand including that I’m absolutely terrible at keeping up with my blog. I enjoy writing, but lately I’ve found myself writing half of a blog with so much energy and motivation, then losing that feeling and closing the tab leaving the entry unfinished. That’s why you haven’t heard from me. Hopefully that doesn’t happen with this one. Sorry--I’ve been a bit lazy.
Anyway, if you’ve been in tune with my daily Instagram, @erinsthaitravels , you know that my time in Ubon is winding down, and I’m preparing for my big move to Chiang Mai. If you haven’t been keeping up with my IG, then: surprise!! I’m staying in Thailand another year! I’ll get into details about my last few months in Ubon in another post (at some point), but now, this posting is a chance for you to get inside the back-and-forth mess that is my brain. I want to tell you a little bit about my thought process in making the decision to stay, the school I’m going to, and the city that I will be calling my home for the next year. Warning: this post is lengthy and all over the place. Which is fitting because it mimmicks the way I felt about making this decision and the overall move.
Deciding to Stay
Coming to Thailand, I didn’t know much about the country. I knew about Chiang Mai and the lantern festival/elephants, so that’s where I had wanted to be. Plus, I knew people who had gone and loved it. I told my placement team that CM was my city of choice, but that I’d be open to whatever. And that’s how I ended up in Ubon. Honestly, I’m grateful that I ended up here. It’s not the ideal city and it’s not the ideal school. When I imagined teaching and living in Thailand, I pictured natural beauty everywhere in the form of beaches, palm trees, and mountains. I imagined students with such an eagerness to learn and strong appreciation for education. I didn’t get quite what I thought, but I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world. I’ve made some really close friends, learned how to be flexible and go with the flow, and had the opportunity to teach and get to know some amazing students that I’ll never forget.
It’s safe to say that I was a bit disillusioned coming here. I had only heard good things about teaching in Thailand, and really had never expected there to be drawbacks. After all, every blog I read painted it as the most amazing thing in the world! That's not exactly the case, but I can’t say I blame agencies that bring teachers to Thailand for not posting realistic blogs. Business is business. With that said, teaching in Thailand is, in fact, amazing, but without a doubt, there are huge difficulties and drawbacks. Now that I’ve learned how to teach English as a Foreign Language, experienced the culture, the hierarchy system, and the education system, I feel more prepared to make my own choices about where I’m going and what I’m doing. It was really helpful to be placed by an agency, have my apartment chosen for me, etc. because everything was taken care of for me. But now that I’ve got a feel for things, I can go for the great options that I want. I have experience and am super qualified, so I’m aiming high. It’s a little scary to be going it alone, or “being an adult,” as some might say, but it’s pretty cool. I had to find my own job, my own apartment, and do things on my own.
When deciding if I wanted to stay or not, there wasn’t much question about whether or not I’d stay, but how long I’d stay. Originally, I wanted just one more semester. But staying only one semester makes it nearly impossible to get a full time teaching position in Chiang Mai, the city I was set on. There are tons of foreigners in Chiang Mai, so getting a job is much more competitive. When I heard back from two very prestigious schools saying that they’d only accept applicants willing to stay at least one year, I began thinking. I sought advice from friends and family, and the advice that won me over came from more than one person. What are you going to do when you go back home after one more semester? I thought about it. I’d probably go back to working at my office job until I could secure a full time job the following school year. Or be a substitute teacher. Or maybe if I was lucky I could get a maternity leave position or something of the like. But none of those options seemed more enticing than staying another year, challenging myself, and having life-changing experiences. In a few short days, my decision was made.
Why I’m staying:
In the decision making process, I had to weigh the pros and cons of staying an extra year. There are so many hesitations I have. Firstly, I’m homesick. There, I said it. I miss home. I miss America. Everything about it. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss being understood. I miss not being frustrated while trying to pay for something at the store. I have a fear of missing out on things. I worry that something will happen to people I love, and I worry that when I return, I won’t have any friends left. But I keep reminding myself that home will be home when I get back. The ones who matter will still be there for me. Staying away from home longer only deepens my appreciation and love for my family, friends, and American society. Then, there’s starting over. Starting fresh is absolutely terrifying. I’ve always hated the first day of school because you have to worry about things—making friends, figuring out your way around, getting the hang of things, etc. Starting fresh in a foreign country is like that times a million. Add in the fact that I'm an anxious person in general, and there we have it: a nightmare. I’m scared. I’m nervous about my job, I’m nervous about finding an apartment, I’m nervous about being in a new city, I’m nervous about buying a bike, I’m nervous about making friends. I could go on and on. But I know I’ll be okay. The first few weeks will probably suck, but I’ll make friends and figure it out just as I always have. I also have been questioning if staying is a wise career move. Being out of the American education system for this long can’t be good. I know I’m a good teacher in America. Am I wasting my talent? Will future employers understand why I’m doing what I’m doing, or will they view my actions as someone who couldn’t grow up and face reality? I’m still not really sure, but what I am sure of is that staying in Thailand is what feels right, so it’s what I’m doing. The good outweighs the bad. So those are a few of my hesitations, and now here are some of the reasons I’m staying:
I want more excitement in my life. Ubon Ratchathani has become my home. I’m comfortable here, but I can’t lie to myself and pretend that contentment and happiness are the same thing. I think that one of the keys to happiness is to never confuse the two, which I and many others do all too often. The biggest things tying me to this city are my students and my friends. I love them so much. It makes me sad to think that I won't be running into my kids around town anymore, and I won't have my two besties to cause trouble with. But life here is far from exciting. There isn’t much to do besides visit the numerous temples that Ubon is famous for. When I have free time, I usually take a nap or binge watch Netflix. I know what you're thinking: that's your own fault. I accept that. I’m responsible for my own happiness. I could have made more of this semester by doing more than relax after work, or traveling on weekends rather than taking on a weekend job, but I don’t regret taking on the additional job. My job as a full time teacher often left me feeling like I was the world’s worst teacher. Sometimes I felt effective, but more often than not, I didn’t feel that I was getting through to the kids. I did my best with the circumstances given, but that didn’t really make me feel much better about it. While taking a second job exhausted me, it gave me a certain feeling of happiness and fulfillment that I didn’t always get from my main job. This made it worth giving up my Saturdays and days after school. It also helped me to save more money so that I can do the things I want next year. Chiang Mai is a city crawling with things to do, and I have every intention of making the most of my time there.
I want a better job. As mentioned above and in numerous other postings, my job has not been the most ideal. The biggest issue for me is that I work for an agency. This means I’m employed by an agent who is employed by the school. I receive my pay from them and follow their rules. Though it feels as though I work directly for the school, at the end of the day, the agency is the one who calls the shots. Agencies in Thailand do not seem to have the best interest of teachers or students in mind. What they do have in mind is money. Ways to take advantage of teachers to make the most profit. Not only did my contract have many extremely binding stipulations (such as zero sick days ever), but the agency pulled so many things on us last minute. They changed the date of our contract without notice, failed to provide us with the work permits that they promised us (even after we spent hundreds of baht to get health checks and photos for it), and held our bonuses over us to control us. And in the end, they’re potentially finding a way to not pay us the bonuses that we earned. It’s a terrible feeling to be taken advantage of and be absolutely powerless because the people taking advantage of you are the ones who are supposed to be looking out for you. I look forward to being agentless at my next job.
At school, I love my kids so much, as well as the staff I work with. It makes me really sad to be leaving them. But at the end of the day, the position I’ve been in as a teacher is not one fit for a trained, certified teacher. While pay isn’t my #1 priority, I know I am qualified for jobs at schools with higher pay and better teaching conditions. Schools with desks that aren’t broken in half, with working projectors, and professional resources and support. Schools where I don’t have to teach 750 students for a mere 50 minutes per week. Schools where I can have a greater impact on a greater number of students. I feel really guilty saying this, because I know I’ve made a difference here to some students and feel that I’m giving up on them, but I need to do what I feel is best for me. Even if it feels a little selfish (I know it’s not selfish, it just feels like I’m giving up on my kids).
I want the opportunity to teach little kids. In America, I have zero intentions of ever teaching kids younger than middle school. I love teaching high school English. However, teaching English as a Foreign Language is so incredibly different from teaching literature. I fell in love with teaching elementary level students during English camp in my first month in Thailand. I don’t think it’s what I want to do forever (high school English still has my heart), but I think it’d be cool to have experience teaching little kids because it’s the one time in my life that I’ll be able to. I’m all about trying new things, and I don’t want to deny myself that experience.
I won’t be satisfied if I leave yet. I’m not done learning. I love Thailand. There’s so much to see and learn and do, and I don’t feel ready to go. I want to continue learning about and appreciating the culture. I want to learn more of the language. I want to volunteer. I want to meet people who share similar values with me. I have so many friends here who absolutely love their jobs and cities and are having the times of their lives. I don’t get that feeling so often, and I want it. I know I can have it. I want to leave Thailand on a high note, under my own conditions. I’m giving it another shot on my own terms (choosing my apartment, city, school, and having no agency to control me). While this experience has been amazing and life changing, I want it to be even better, and the only way that’ll happen is if I make it happen.
Chiang Mai:
Chiang Mai is one of my favorite cities in the world. I first visited for New Years with Haley and we had the most incredible time. It is located in northern Thailand and is quite mountainous. The weather is cooler for the most part, and that’s something I’m really looking forward to. Chiang Mai is known as the cultural heart of Thailand. It’s quite a big city, but doesn’t have the big city feel. I think that’s what I like most about it. There aren’t skyscrapers towering over you like in Bangkok. You don’t feel so overwhelmed. The atmosphere of the city is so relaxed, even though it offers so many things to do. There are tons of temples, shopping malls, night markets, etc. There are also a huge array of natural beauties (mountains, waterfalls, etc.) that I really look forward to being surrounded by. It’s the best of both worlds. While it is a large city compared to Ubon, I can see myself acclimating to it rather quickly.
Chiang Mai has a huge population of backpackers. For me, this is bittersweet. I’m excited to be able to make more friends because there are many more English speakers to choose from, but this also creates an anxiety for me. I kind of like living in a place with such few foreigners. I’m nervous that I’ll be just another face in the crowd. People know who I am in Ubon, but living in a city creates a higher chance of anonymity. To combat this feeling, I just need to stop being so GD lazy and put myself out there. Also, I’ve been able to adapt to and appreciate the Thai culture, and I’m nervous that I’ll resent foreigners who don’t make efforts to appreciate it or respect it. This experience will be what I make it, though, so I’m trying to plan for my nerves, and do everything I can to make myself happy. The benefit of having so many foreigners is that there is so much more to do. There are so many awesome western restaurants and coffee shops (I’m so excited for Chiang Mai food), and there are more activities. There are numerous Facebook pages of people posting events, free yoga classes, Zumba, Italian language meet-ups, etc. With so many things to do, I just need to step up and do things for myself and by myself until I meet friends.
Check out this link to learn more about Chiang Mai or just google it. There are so many beautiful things about this city.
My School
I’m going to be working at Varee Chiangmai School just on the outskirts of the city. It’s an international school, and I will be working in the first grade English program. I’ll be a homeroom teacher, meaning that I’m going to be teaching all subjects-- science, math, social, English—you name it, I’ll teach it. There are countless positive aspects about this job. Firstly, I’m teaching first graders--need I say more? They are the cutest things in the world. When I went to the school to do a demo, I instantly fell in love with the kids I taught. It was such an awesome feeling of happiness to see them learn and react to me being there. When I did my demo, they all were so happy to meet me. When I finished teaching, I was surrounded by about 10 kids for hugs, telling me they’ll miss me and hope to see me again. They waved frantically with smiles on their faces when I passed by them on the way to meet with the founder of the school. There was such a genuine smile on my face the whole time, and I’m really looking forward to having that same feeling with my own kids everyday. I know not everyday will be great, but their high energy, enthusiasm, positivity, and happiness is contagious. I can’t imagine being unhappy when working with them everyday. I’ll have my own class of 35 kids and that’s it. This small number (yes, American teacher friends, 35 students per class is a small number here) is so exciting for me. As a teacher, I firmly believe that it’s crucial to get to know your students as individuals, starting by knowing there names, and having only 35 kids makes that so much easier and actually possible (compared to having 700 kids). The school offers resources for teachers (curriculum, books, Smartboards, online learning, etc.), and the relationships between teachers is super cooperative. I was told that I’d need to be consulting with other first grade teachers to share ideas and help each other. I’m really excited to be able to collaborate with others. There will be direction and order, which is a refreshing change of pace. The few staff members I met were super friendly and so helpful. It seems like this school has really got it together, and I’m so honored to be joining their team.
Here’s my school’s website and some photos from their gallery so you can see where I'll be working for the next year!
That’s all for now. A little sneak peak into my indecisive brain that finally made a decision. I’ll post again soon. <3 Erin